W. C. Fields's Quotes

W. C. Fields's Quotes 24

Women are like elephants. I like to look at 'em but I wouldn't want to own...

No doubt exists that all women are crazy it's only a question of degree.

You can't trust water: Even a straight stick turns crooked in it.

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There comes a time in the affairs of man when he must take the bull by the...

If at first you don't succeed try try again. Then quit. There's no point in...

Hell I never vote for anybody I always vote against.

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It's morally wrong to allow a sucker to keep his money.

A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money.

Never try to impress a woman because if you do she'll expect you to keep up...

Start every day off with a smile and get it over with.

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I never worry about being driven to drink I just worry about being driven home.

Show me a great actor and I'll show you a lousy husband. Show me a great...

I like children - fried.

I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.

Reminds me of my safari in Africa. Somebody forgot the corkscrew and for...

I cook with wine sometimes I even add it to the food.

Once during Prohibition I was forced to live for days on nothing but food...

All the men in my family were bearded and most of the women.

Sleep - the most beautiful experience in life - except drink.

I am free of all prejudices. I hate every one equally.

Drown in a cold vat of whiskey? Death where is thy sting?

When we have lost everything including hope life becomes a disgrace and...

Set up another case bartender! The best thing for a case of nerves is a case...

The best cure for insomnia is to get a lot of sleep.